ASH WEDNESDAY
-
John Tavares (Canada)
Gabby didn’t have anything to prove,
like his brilliant, smart sister. He didn’t need to change the world, or
improve the lives of others, or reform the criminal justice system. He had no
illusions: he was overweight and belched and farted loudly. He moved slowly and
deliberately, but he was rock solid steady. He worked five days a week, eight
hours a day, excluding overtime, at the university library. He had free tuition
to attend university as an employee, as a work benefit, if he wanted, but he
was happy working in his position at the university library instead of
studying. The library system rewarded his hard work, organization skills, and
loyalty by eventually promoting him to the position of a supervisor.
Gabby spent his free time reading
science fiction, fantasy, and horror novels and watching movies based on his
favorite novels and books. He also loved gaming, board games, war games,
especially computer and video games. He administered and moderated several
online gaming forums and groups. He even organized events for gamers and gaming
enthusiasts at Toronto cafes and restaurants, so when his sister called him a
wanker, who would never find a woman because he was so self-centred and
preoccupied with his video games and comic books, Gabby took offense. But he
didn’t move from his mother’s house where he lived with his sister and mother
then: his move out didn’t come until later, when the income from slaughtering
chickens provided him sufficient money to afford his own apartment.
Gabby complained her sister took out
her anger and outrage on him because she had everything to prove to the world
and her family. Then, after the life changing incident, she became like Gabby,
whom she called mediocre. At first, she became a recluse, and friends claimed
she no longer looked after herself. She didn’t style her hair fancy, or polish,
buff, or paint her nails, at least not until she started visiting Terrance in
prison. Gabby complained she didn’t care; she became apathetic about her
femininity; allowed her looks go to waste.
After the incident, Fatima started
visiting Terrance in prison; prison officials even allowed her to make conjugal
visits. He made her feel like a woman again. He told her how much he loved her
looks when they first met on a subway train.
With a reputation among her peers and
friends for intelligence and rigor, and a logical, analytical mind, Fatima
originally trained and worked as a criminal lawyer. Overpowering arguments were
her forte.
Later, though, Gabby became her
supervisor, after Fatima started working as an assistant librarian in the
university library. Like her, when he first started working in the library, she
retrieved, returned, and organized books in the stacks and bookshelves. The
administrators in the library system wanted to transfer Fatima to the law school
library, where they believed she could better apply her knowledge and talents,
but she adamantly refused. She insisted her memories of law school and of her
work in the legal profession were too fresh and painful. She would face
constant daily reminders of her former aborted career and life in the law
library, from her former colleagues and professors.
Ironically, soon after she graduated
from law school, Fatima saw her younger sibling struggling. So, she decided to
help Gabby find a job at the university library. She helped him write and
rewrite a resume and complete the job application form. She even found a mutual
former high school teacher who would write Gabby a letter of recommendation.
She visited their Portuguese parish priest and convinced him to allow them to
use his name as a reference. Then she personally dropped off Gabby’s resume and
job application with her friend in the human resources department and another
acquaintance in the administration offices of the university library.
This happened after Gabby refused to
show up for work at the chicken processing plant. Gabby had also been working
extra long shifts and overtime operating a forklift, which carried baskets and
cages of live chickens, in a second job at the poultry factory. His main job
was on the killing and bleeding line.
Then, after a horrible case of nausea,
which Gabby couldn’t explain, and which he suffered for weeks like the worst
case of morning sickness, the thought of chicken, raw chicken meat, cooked
chicken meat—the thought and memories and vivid images of chicken entrails,
innards, guts, feathers, and decapitated chickens made him nauseous. Gabby
could no longer tolerate watching chickens being slaughtered and killed. While
he recovered from his condition, he even started to read books about the
Holocaust. He started to feel personally responsible for the mass deaths of
poultry, thousands and thousands of helpless birds. He surrendered to his
despair, and he stayed at home reading, gaining weight, watching porn movies
online.
That was before Fatima helped him find
work in the university library. Then, after Fatima recovered from her personal
crisis, she reprised his journey and started working at the same university
library where she earlier helped Gabby find work.
She believed her legal training had
gone to waste. Gabby urged her to return to the legal profession, but she
merely shook her head. Then Gabby encouraged her to return to college and try
to obtain a medical degree or work in another profession, for which she was
suited—but she no longer believed her personality and disposition was suitable
for white collar work, even if it was clerical—and again she shook her head.
Meanwhile, Gabby started reading books
about the sightings of the Marian apparitions at Fatima, in Portugal.
After their mother died, Fatima
finished law school, and became a practicing criminal lawyer. But she lost
confidence and felt uncertain about the direction her life was taking. Gabby
could not act in the role of their mother, but he reminded her she spent a
decade acquiring an education and training to become a lawyer.
Meanwhile, Fatima felt as if she failed
in helping their mother, failed in care giving for the matriarch, as she aged
and grew seriously ill. Fatima had hoped to become a better daughter to their
aging mother. She simply could not shrug and shake off this
disappointment.
That fateful work morning, Fatima,
still new to courtroom procedure as a criminal trial lawyer, felt a familiar
sickening, nauseating feeling in her stomach, a sensation she understood well
from experience. She revealed to an associate and law partner she once suffered
from a public speaking phobia. In the past several months, though, Fatima,
managed, as a newbie trial lawyer, to orate, argue, discuss, debate, and cross
examine in the courtroom without too much self-consciousness or nervousness. Having
learned from her past experiences, she believed she had outgrown the condition;
she was simply too mature to experience a haunting by these past demons.
In times past, this fear had struck her
whenever, in high school and college, she had to deliver a speech and make a
public speaking presentation as part of an assignment. Moreover, now the rock
and stabilizing force in her life was gone. In her youth, their mother always
managed to calm her through recurring past episodes of apprehension and dread.
As Fatima fretted and nervously made
certain her notes were properly prepared and organized, and at the ready, their
mother gave a helping hand, cooking her favorite breakfast, pancakes and milky
coffee, making certain her wardrobe was clean and pressed, doting over her. Gabby
couldn’t help noticing the special treatment his sister got from their mother. Then
again, Fatima had beat the socioeconomic odds faced by the daughter of
first-generation immigrants. Despite her neurosis, including that of public
speaking, which she shared with her brother, who she regarded as a loser,
because he liked video games and porn, his only true-life connection to women,
she had acquired her undergraduate degree, an honours degree in economics,
summa cumma laude, and then attended Osgoode law school.
Gabby remembered once she had been
complaining about anxiety prior to oral arguments in a mock courtroom setting
at law school. He got so tired of hearing about her nerves he pulverized
tranquilizers, sedatives, leftover from a prescription his family doctor gave
her. He mixed the crushed tablets into her coffee. He even offered to brew her
decaffeinated coffee, but she insisted on drinking cup after cup of
full-strength coffee, which he supposed helped her read through the reams of
papers, briefs, and law books her academics and profession required, but
probably contributed to her jittery nerves. On that occasion, Gabriel thought
the medication helped, since, apparently, she aced in the mock courtroom at her
law school seminar.
Because of her nerves, he warned her
she should only drink decaffeinated coffee, so she wouldn’t get jittery or
wired, but she didn’t appreciate the advice. She started arguing with him,
calling him a loser, who did nothing but watch porn and jerk off all day.
Meanwhile, this having occurred before
Gabby went to work at the university library, he even worked overtime operating
a forklift, which carried baskets and cages of live chickens, in a second job
at the poultry processing plant. His main job was on the killing and bleeding
line.
After that argument, when she told him
he was a loser, he decided to move out of his parents’ house, where Fatima continued
to live. He found his own single bedroom apartment, whose rent was paid for
with the blood of eviscerated chickens, further down Bloor Street West from
Little Portugal.
Now, after their father passed away
years ago, from a heart attack, their mother was also not around to assist
Fatima through what could turn out to be the most important moments of her life
and career so far: her first arguments as a defence attorney in a murder trial.
Within an hour, Fatima was scheduled to defend a client against criminal
charges of homicide, in her first murder trial. Under normal circumstances, she
would have already been in the courtroom. The trial of her client, widely
publicized, was followed by thousands of the rapper’s fans in the newspapers
and local radio and television. Her law partners, all of whom shunned the
limelight, encouraged her to bask in the media attention, joking she was even
in danger of becoming a celebrity. Becoming well known was certainly not her
first goal and aim, though, and this only seemed to cause the pressure to
build.
Early during that fateful day, an hour
before her case was due to begin, she found herself taking a subway train to
the provincial superior courtroom downtown, late by her usual standards, since
she had rehearsed her opening arguments and double checked her looks and
wardrobe. She also kept returning home to make certain she hadn’t forgotten
anything.
Her law partner, knowing of her
propensities and inclination to take the transit system wherever she travelled
in the city, became outraged. He advised her to take a cab, so she wasn’t
delayed by a gridlocked subway train or a gawking member of the public. Anxious
about potential delays or her even getting mugged on the subway, while she
carried confidential legal briefs, he even offered her the use of his car and
his wife to drive, but Fatima, preoccupied, declined the offer.
Thrust into the rush and turmoil of
early morning rush hour traffic, she found most of the passengers and commuters
looked alien to her. Under ordinary circumstances, she wouldn’t have minded the
commute; it would have been something she embraced, since it allowed her to
catch up on her reading. The train ride would have given her time to clear her
mind, to meditate, and to browse over opening statements to the judge and jury
in the courtroom. But the commute on the subway train was something that now
filled her with fear and dread. Instead of getting off the train at the next
stop, and, emerging at the street to catch a cab, she felt trapped. She wasn’t
certain she would be able to make her initial opening arguments. She feared she
would freeze and be rendered speechless in front of all those courtroom
spectators, the prosecutor, the judge, the family members of the accused, the
accused, and members of the media.
That had happened to her in college and
high school several times before. Each time the physical symptoms, shaking,
tremors, profuse sweating, a quavering voice, and a red face, had been
embarrassing. Having gone through the wringer of this stress, each time she
vowed she would drop out to avoid ever putting herself in a position where she
would be required to make a public presentation or speech again. But each time
she had somehow managed to rally back, to fight back in a certain sense, usually
with her mother’s assistance. Without her aide and encouragement, she certainly
would have never overcome the personal challenges required to succeed in
university and law school and now at her law firm.
Now Fatima’s eyes welled with tears,
and she started to cry, as she thought about her mother. These emotional
associations she could no longer control since her mother’s passing. While she
presented, argued, and questioned in court, defending her client, how could she
control her emotions and potentially any crying jags, when she remembered her
mother and her recent death? Nothing could be done about the absence of
maternal support but keep a brave face and possibly be inspired by her
strength.
Fatima took the subway from Ossington
station on the Bloor- Danforth line, heading downtown. She started to again
read the book about the Marian apparitions and The Miracle of the Sun,
published by a Catholic press, which she had picked up in a book sale bin of
their local branch of the Toronto Public Library. Her attention was diverted
again from the upcoming trial.
After Fatima disembarked in the crowd
at St. George station, she hurried up the stairs to the platform to catch a
southbound train on the University line. Realizing she couldn’t take a chance
on staining her dress for courtroom presentation, she remembered to stand as
she rode the train. Then, when she reached the platform for the University
lines at St. George station, at the junction of the two cross town commuter
lines, she saw the woman she felt confident and certain was her mother, with
the same black shawl and head scarf. Her mother was alive, or what she saw was
her mother’s ghost, an apparition.
When Fatima thought about it, she
realized she might have been another member of the Silva family, one of her
mother’s numerous sisters. But she became convinced this woman was her mother. She
was dressed similarly, same dark, modest long black dress, which left no flesh
uncovered, including a widow’s black and a head scarf covering her thick long
jet-black hair, with only a few strands of grey. And wasn’t that a rosary and
Catholic church program she carried in her hand?
But, sitting on the bench, close to
where she stood was the lean, curly-haired handsome man she believed was
homeless. The homeless handsome man, she mused, but, whereas in the past she
had noted how handsome Terrance looked in jeans and a leather jacket, now she
noticed his musky body odor.
Fatima remembered years ago late one
night, after she had been partying and bar hopping with university friends, she
stood in the crowded subway train alongside Terrance. He had pressed his hand
against her buttock, but instead of slapping his hand, or pulling it away, she
backed herself against Terrance’s crotch and felt his groin grow hard. Remembering
their encounter, she felt embarrassed, but she justified her indulgence in
transgression as the antics of an intoxicated university student, returning
home from a pub crawl. Her jean’s size then was several sizes smaller. The
incident happened at a time when she passionately desired a man, after she
started watching adult videos she found in the browser history of Gabby’s
gaming desktop computer.
Back then Fatima thought Terrance
looked fine when he dressed for the nightclub, and she thought he smelled nice,
with a fresh scent of an appealing cologne. Over the past several years, she
still blushed when she saw him, usually on the subway train, but sometimes she
encountered him trudging along Bloor Street, muttering beneath his breath,
sometimes angrily, usually at night. She felt a perverse satisfaction when she
noticed that each time she saw Terrance, he looked grungier and more weathered
and worn. It seemed to confirm her belief she was upwardly mobile, climbing the
rungs of success.
Fatima still felt an interest in
Terrance, even an attraction. She remembered with longing the electricity of
emotion and sensation she felt when Terrace planted his hand on her buttock and
pressed down and how she backed up into his crotch, with the smell of spiced rum
on her breath and cologne around his neck and chest.
Fatima was still intrigued by the
titles of the books he read, including pocketbooks by Noam Chomsky, or Bertrand
Russell. She remembered another student at university said he was a mature
student in her social psychology tutorial. He made so many insightful comments
and asked so many probing questions an awe-stricken classmate thought he should
be teaching the class. Now, as a lawyer, she supposed the best attitude towards
the man was to avoid him.
She took the escalator from the
platform of the cross town trains. Instead of heading south to the courthouse,
she boarded the northbound train to the suburbs, following the apparition of
her mother. Even with an important case to argue, her first homicide trial,
although she should have been travelling south, she boarded the same train as
the elderly woman and headed northbound, even shouting after her through the
chaos and jammed packed crowds of the morning commute.
Curly-haired Terrance, in blue jeans,
black t-shirt, and striped running shoes, also seemed to have his interest
piqued again by her this morning and followed behind. She boarded the same
train, but not the same car, she discovered. The northbound train was less
crowded since its destination was the suburbs. In the morning, most workers
were headed south, downtown, as she should have been.
Fatima lost sight of the woman she was
confident was her mother in the crowd of commuters and subway passengers. At
the next station, Spadina, she quickly got off the car and reboarded the train
one car further up. Ahead of her she spotted the woman, but the narrow car was
so crowded that the best she could do was catch a momentary glimpse of her
face. She had the cross smudged on her forehead and carried a church program in
her hand.
A lapsed Catholic, Fatima realized it
was Ash Wednesday. Her mother had probably gone to an Ash Wednesday service at
a Portuguese language church on Rua de Azores or in Little Portugal.
Fatima continued to travel northbound, even
as it became caught up in a traffic snarl of subway trains. She sat restless,
wearing a dress that probably revealed more of her cleavage than the judge
would have liked, staring at the woman she considered her mother across the
aisle of the crowded subway train. She stared at the Portuguese widow and
looked deeply into her eyes.
The thin man in black with whom she had
done a bump and grind left her distracted, remembering a fleeting time when she
wanted to be bred by a virile man, above all else. Terrance’s attention,
though, shifted between her and the science fiction paperback book he was
reading, a worn, weathered, tattered paperback, Stranger in a Strange Land.
As Fatima’s work cell phone buzzed and
vibrated in her handbag, she checked the caller identification feature. Calling
from the courtroom was the prosecutor of the case, who had wanted to chat with
her that afternoon before the trial began. She checked her wristwatch and saw
the trial was scheduled to start in a few minutes. About to miss the start of
what would undoubtedly be the most important criminal trial of his career, she
still took the train north along the subway line to the northernmost station on
the University line.
It was at least an hour-long subway
train ride and walk to the courthouse downtown. She was getting further and
further away from the Ontario superior courthouse downtown on University
Avenue. She stepped off the train when the woman disembarked at the last,
northernmost station. Fatima followed the woman down the escalators, through
the concourse, their footsteps echoing in the emptying corridors. She strode
behind her to a terminal for buses taking the local neighbourhood routes, which
would take the rider deeper into suburbia. The lean, weathered man with whom
she had shared a single moment of physical intimacy on the subway train
followed behind from what he considered a safe distance.
Fatima approached her mother as she
stood waiting to board the bus.“Mom, I’m sorry.” Fatima wanted to tell her
mother that she was sorry she didn’t see her more often before she became ill
with a rare blood disorder that finally killed her. She was sorry that she
wasn’t more proactive, that she hadn’t intervened on her behalf with medical
specialists and doctors and her brother, whom, she judged, seemed happy and
complacent to watch her die in the ward of a hospital ill equipped to treat
her, with her complicated illness, who seemed more interested in reaping the
profits from her estate, than in her condition improving. She didn’t think it
fair and caring and loving that their mother was allowed to languish in the
suburban hospital, which Fatima considered substandard, while she suffered in
pain and the nurses pottered about helplessly. She had even asked Gabby why
their mother hadn’t been sent by ambulance to a teaching hospital downtown. She
complained Gabby avoided making important inquiries with the suburban hospital
doctors, who never made the rounds on her ward and visited her. Fatima
protested Gabby was complacent, happy to sit in their mother’s hospital room,
drinking takeout coffee and eating doughnuts, waiting, on a death watch. Fatima
said Gabby didn’t believe in “rocking the boat” or “making waves” with the
medical professionals.
Fatima wanted to apologize to their
mother for not paying more attention to her condition, not realizing how she
had aged and become more vulnerable to infirmities. If she had known how grave
her condition had become, she would have visited her more often. She would have
referred to the best specialists who would have been able to diagnose and treat
her condition.
When Fatima called out for their mother
that day on the subway train, the woman with the ashes on her forehead gave her
a withering look, a cutting expression that delivered a reprimand equivalent to
a slap in the face. She felt the same as she did when her mother punished her
corporally or rebuked her verbally. Now she rode at the back of the nearly
empty bus, under belated scrutiny by arrays of tiny closed-circuit cameras bulging
out of the ceiling, and the coarse-haired, wild-eyed man, with whom she had a
brief torrid physical fling. The man looked at her as if he had something
important to say, but she avoided his gaze and turned away whenever they made
eye contact.
Fatima checked the caller
identification when her law firm smartphone rang again. She saw that the
prosecutor had called her work cellphone again. Her expression desperate, her
eyes watering, she gazed from the back of the bus where she sat on the hard
rigid seats, facing towards the woman she believed was her mother. Aside from
the dark-haired woman, her acquaintance, and the driver of the bus, she was the
only passenger.
There was an emptiness aboard that she
wanted to hear filled with the sound of morning conversations over bread,
cheese, and milky coffee. The morning rush hour traffic brought many commuters
who rode this bus through the suburbs in the opposite direction, except for the
woman, who took the bus and the subway early to attend early morning Lenten
mass in her native tongue at a Portuguese Catholic church in the inner city,
near Little Portugal and Rua Acores.
Fatima’s second smartphone, her
personal cell phone rang again. Instead of merely ignoring the call, frustrated,
annoyed, she checked the cursed cell phone. This time the call was from the
head of her law firm, calling from his personal residence no less. After
debating with herself as to whether she should return the call, she returned
the cell phone to her handbag. She hadn’t even wanted a work cell phone—they
were a nuisance and a bother—but her partners and associates insisted. Now she
carried three cellphones, two smartphones and a flip phone, a burner phone,
which her client had given her for attorney-client privilege communications, which
invariably turned into personal calls.
The city transit bus drove and
manoeuvred through the suburbs, the bus operator alternately suspicious and
curious about her courtroom attire, checking her out in her rear-view mirrors,
looking back occasionally, when she stopped at traffic lights. The woman looked
back at her with her own brand of curiosity and puzzlement and a muted
apprehension, even taking out a rosary to pray. Terrance also had made her the
object of his attention.
Fatima’s work cellphone bleeped and
buzzed again. She reached into her handbag, breaking her fingernail when she
impatiently snatched the electronic device. This time she saw by the tiny slab
of green screen that showed the caller’s name and number that it was a reporter
from one of the big daily city newspapers. When Fatima thought she heard the
last from his cellphone, her personal cellphone buzzed. She saw the name of the
judge officiating at the trial flash on the caller identification. Realizing
the trial judge had her personal cellphone number, she gulped. Then, the flip
phone, the burner phone, which her client had given her, so they could
communicate, when he needed someone with whom he could chat, rang, from inside
her handbag, but she ignored the telephone. She decided she had more important
issues that concerned her. She thought she had turned off her smartphones and
cellphones and buried them beneath notebooks, pens, pocketbooks, and her
feminine accoutrements in her handbag.
When the bus arrived at the end of the
route, the woman stepped off from the front. Fatima decided to make her move,
to follow behind.
The bus driver saw her following
literally in the woman’s footsteps. The woman looked at her in fright, pausing
momentarily, indecisive as to whether she should keep walking or return to the
bus, until, contemplating the risks of the situation, she decided she would be
brave, move forward, and continue striding home.
In her passion and zeal, Fatima
inadvertently frightened the woman, but shetried to console herself with the
knowledge that wasn’t her intention, and now she needed to reassure her. The
bus driver made up her mind to radio the police.
Returning home from a night of bar
hopping and coffee shops, Terrance, with whom she had once done the bump and
grind on the subway train, when she was a mildly inebriated university senior,
stared at her, with the open paperback book in his lap. His unrelenting,
restless gaze followed her out the bus and down the street through the bus
windshields. He figured she was having a profound emotional experience.
Dressed in her courtroom attire, Fatima
followed behind the woman. She even called after her in the Portuguese
language.“Mom, I’m sorry I couldn’t help you. Forgive me, please,” Fatima
begged her.
Fatima could see she could understand
her use of the Portuguese language. The women uttered a few words in return, in
exasperation, which she couldn’t perceive. She hurried to position herself in
front of the woman, got down on her knees, and reached out to hold her
hand.“Senhora,” Fatima begged. The elderly woman glared at Fatima, and, in
disgust and distaste, she flung her hand back at her. She reached out to hold
her hand again, but this time she merely walked around her.“I’m sorry I argued
with Gabby. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to help you when you were sick. I’m sorry I
didn’t help you around the house after I started university.”
Fatima’s mind burrowed deep into her
past, into her childhood and youth. She wanted to tell her she was sorry about
the arguments and anger and begged for her forgiveness. Then the woman, having
attended Ash Wednesday mass on an unseasonably warm day, walked along the
curving sidewalk lining the suburban drive and finally stepped into her red
brick home, with vinyl siding. She called out to her son, who had fallen asleep
on the living room sofa after his night shift at the meat processing plant,
where he carved up carcasses.
“Listen, dude,” the husky young man
said, scratching his balls under his boxer shorts, positioning himself in the
middle of the front doorway, preventing Fatima from entering the house, “what
the hell are you doing bothering my mother?”
Fatima wished to express her opinion a
mix-up and confusion had occurred. She had to clarify the misunderstanding and
allow the young man to realize there was a connection somehow. “My name is
Fatima Silva,” Fatima said.“I am a biological relative. Your mother—I’m certain
she’s related—I’m confident she’s my mother—I mean, a sister to my mother, or
at least a cousin of my own mother, whom, I wish to inform you, passed away
recently.”Finally, Fatima realized her grip on reality at that moment was
tenuous.“I just wanted to inform her of my mother’s passing.”
“No, dude, we’re not related.”But
Fatima insisted they were related; they were first generation Portuguese
Canadians. The young man said he didn’t know how she knew but he didn’t care.
She said she knew Senhora was from the Azorean Island of Sao Miguel.“I don’t
care how you know. Now go away before I call the cops. Better yet, go away
before they get here.”
Fatima thought she had turned off all
her cell phones, her law firm cell phone, her personal cell phone, and the cell
phone her client had given her, but the flipphone her client had given her
bleeped and vibrated again. Checking the caller ID, Fatima determined that
another mother—the mother of her client was calling on the flip phone her son
had given her. Fatima needed to get to the courtroom, even though it was
probably too late, and the case had probably been remanded.
Noting a definite physical resemblance,
which she couldn’t explain and needed to understand, she tentatively concluded
this woman had been her mother’s cousin or, yes, even her sister. She knew they
had other relatives in the city—plenty of them—but she was also a Silva from the
Azorean island of Sao Miguel, a member of a branch of the clan, the family, her
father and uncle had once explained to her, which had never gotten along, who,
when they should have celebrated family reunions, bickered and argued over
petty rivalries, jealousies, and trivial disputes, blown out of proportion. These
differences made for estranged relations with grievances that grew over the
generations within the extended family.
Fatima started walking towards the last
stop on the suburban route, but, as she stepped in the direction of the bus,
the driver closed the flappy doors and pulled away from the bus stop sign
posted outside the transit shelter. She turned around and started walking
towards the next traffic intersection, expecting to reach a busier bus stop. But
she didn’t get far.
A police cruiser prowled from behind a
leafy intersection in front of her. The marked cruiser did a full looping turn
and stopped abruptly, blocking the street. She shouted to the police officer
that she was a lawyer. She needed to be in court at that very moment to defend
her client and argue her first homicide case. When she uttered those words, the
police officer thought she was potentially violent and mentally unstable. From
behind the protection of the passenger side of the cruiser, the police officer
pulled out his revolver and aimed at her. He shouted to her to lie face down
flat on the ground, asphalt, with her hands above his head. Raising her hands
cautiously, she stared at him incredulously, wondering, as a lawyer, why the
officer was resorting to what she construed as an egregious use of excessive
force, since it should have been readily apparent that she was unarmed,
compliant, and cooperative with authorities. What justifiable grounds were
there for the suspicion she posed a threat of violence, she demanded
afterwards?
The police officer handcuffed Fatima,
forcing her arm into an awkward position, pinning her down, so she feared her
arm was broken or dislocated. When he raised her from the cement and pavement
and forced her into the back of the cruiser, she felt shame and glowed with the
heat of outrage. This manhandling convinced her she was injured.
When Terrance, with whom she had done
the bump and grind years ago on the subway train saw how she was being treated,
he intervened and started to fight with the police officer. He punched the
officer who handcuffed and man handled her. A battle of hand-to-hand combat
between him and the police officer erupted, as they flailed, grappled, grasped,
grunted, wrestled, and punched one another. Within minutes backup arrived and
Terrance was tasered by the police.
When Gabby received the call from the
police that his sister had been arrested, he laughed and thought it was a joke,
but then he was warned. When he was told he needed to visit the precinct before
the police would release her on her own recognisance, he realized the situation
had turned gravely serious. Because of the severity of the assault charges
against Terrance, assaulting a police officer, assault causing bodily harm,
obstruction of justice, the case against Fatima was regarded as less serious
and charges were eventually dropped. But Terrance was found guilty and received
a prison sentence. The aspect of Terrance’s background that intrigued Fatima
the most and caused her to fall for his roguish, renegade charms: he had no
previous criminal record or charges. Fatima started to visit him, in prison,
after she discovered that he wasn’t homeless, but a messy person with poor
grooming. She was also surprised that he worked as a freelancer, creating
advertising copy for small businesses in Toronto and annual reports for startup
companies listed on Canadian venture stock exchanges. He said he had been fired
from his job at an advertising agency, which had some of the nattiest dressers
on Bay Street, for having such a sloppy wardrobe, but Fatima later learned the
true reason; he maliciously messed up an important ad for a big pharma company.
Anyway, he worked in a living room office from home, in a house in East York he
inherited from his mother. In this house, overlooking the Don Valley Parkway,
Fatima ended up living with Terrance. Later, the couple often invited Gabby to
their home in east end Toronto, but he passed with an apologia, saying he was
worried the automobile emissions and atmospheric pollution from one of Canada’s
busiest traffic thoroughfares would exacerbate his asthma.